the beauty of tears

sometimes a girl needs to cry.

even if she has no idea why.
but you know what?
i think some beauty lies in those tears.

life is hard. there is no other way to describe it. but there are so many little reasons to smile if we allow ourselves to open our eyes to them.

today was beautiful outside. milkshakes with a best friend. the comfort of a teddy bear. friends and family that love you no matter what. the idea that everything in life is circumstantial.

so in the moment of tears. let them out. they don't belong inside you. let the clearness of the tears cleanse your eyes. your heart. and your mind. after a day spent crying i come out more beautiful because i let myself experience what i was feeling. there is such healing in that statement and the knowledge that tomorrow is another day to feel so many more things.

"Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you"

so cry because its BEAUTIFUL and smile because you were strong enough to feel it <3

a work in progress.

I have started the new painting. just the background thus far. but hey. its a work in progress. but it definitely got me thinking...

a work in progress. what a concept. it pretty much defines life. my life, my dreams, my everything is a work in progress. that is why i decided to stop and take some pictures of the process tonight. i began to think how everything in life seems to be a countdown to the next milestone. but why?

life is really not about where we end up. it is absolutely about how we got there. what if i waited until the end of my life to ever take one single picture? i mean that would be the finished product right? who cares about the journey of a painting? i just want the finished product. nope. not me.

i wanna see the steps of the way to how i made it there. just like my life. i love looking back on the pictures of different stages of my life, even if there are the ones that scream "who let me dress myself back then?" and "really? my hair really looked like that? it MUST have been in style then right?" those are the pictures i want to see. i wanna know where i came from. i wanna see how i got here.

so with my newest painting, i want to see where it came from. the progress that its made. the progress i have made. every step of the way.

to truly appreciate how far it came.

"don't wait the moments to take the perfect picture...
take the picture to capture the moments."

a midnight snack. some food for thought.

a creative outlet.

so i am sitting here thinking.

its time again for a creative project. something that i can really turn to. in those moments that get really hard and trying...i need an outlet. so now the dilemma is, where do i pull this idea from? what will be my "masterpiece" to create?

ideas being played with..

a tree. dramaticaly sitting in the front of the painting with a world happening behind it. but what is going on in the background?

a crying eye. with a sunshine in the back that is directly opposing intense darkness.

but i just dont know. i would love some suggestions.

hopefully i will feel inspired enough to start something tonight because i have been really itching to.

i guess we shall see.

a day at the park.

everyone, once in a while, wants to be little again.

well today was a good day. we did just that. 2 of my favorite people on the planet and myself spent the day at the playground. who says you can't go back, be a little kid again, experience that laughter that only comes from true happiness and fun? not us.

there were so many smiles in this day =) the day didn't cost money. it wasn't spent in front of the television or the computer. we got out. we did something. and had such a great time.

true. it took us longer to get ready to go to the park than it did to play there, but even the getting ready was part of the fun. i learned something today. i learned to truly appreciate the little things in life.

friendship. love. laughter. family. and a beautiful day.

all a girl needs. <3

happy.

"Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there`s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy"

i have found a happy moment.
i'm really liking this. a smile on my face. and my friends LOVE me.
what can be better?

i have had a rough patch of a few weeks. but as of right now. this is happiness. this is knowing that you have friends that will be there for you in any moment that you need them and you have an unbelievable amount of love sourrounding you. its mind blowing. but i have found it.

now i am not gonna sit here and foolishly think that i will feel this smiley and happy forever. but i have come to terms that happiness is not a destination. it is a journey. and like it or not, everyone needs to feel sadness, shed tears, and go through hard times to truely appreciate the greatness of what happiness is. so in this moment i am happy.

i smile because i can. because i want to. because it is the best feeling in the world.

"You live you learn, you love you learn
You cry you learn, you lose you learn
You bleed you learn, you scream you learn ...

You grieve you learn, you choke you learn
You laugh you learn, you choose you learn
You pray you learn, you ask you learn
You live you learn"

ponder that.

a beginning

i have always been a writer. problem is, i never know where to start...

i guess a beginning. today is a beginning in a sense. a beginning in trying to know me. begin to be strong. well i started that yesterday. and a beginning on looking at life a little differently.

i know it sounds dumb but....life doesn't revolve around me. imagine that. that was a sad revelation but a true one that honestly we all know but really don't want to comprehend.

well. i am deciding to start this little writers journey in hopes to keep myself sane when there are hours on end spent in front of this computer job searching. i need to break it up or this teacher-wanna-be is gonna go nuts.

i am learning in this moment actually to let go and let god. i'm not stressing it. any of it. if its gonna happen then it is gonna happen. and that goes for just about everything in my life right now. so back to this beginning concept again....

i am going to begin to write my thoughts in this lovely blog that it really does not matter if anyone follows it. i will be writing here for a little mental release. i am beginning to take on this new let things happen as they will attitude. i am beginning to stop having to have control over EVERYTHING. it is so unaccomplishable (and yes i made that up for my own purposes). and i am just going to begin to be a free spirit in a way. come what may.

here goes...